What makes you good parent? What makes you a bad one? How do you know which one you are? I know everyone doubts themselves and questions if they are missing some parental gene that others seem to possess. I don't do everything right, I'm a smart ass, I know it, and sometimes it's hard for me to shut off when dealing with my boys. Geez see previous post and you'll know what I'm referring too.
But J and I do put our boys first, we play games with them, even when it's really the last thing we want to do (insert last night and the longest game of Pictureka you have ever seen), we take them fishing, camping, shooting, scouting, we're at all their games, and we genuinely love to sit at the table with them and BS. I think we are very connected to our boys and even though their Dad is gone ALOT they respect what he does and know that he does it to make the world a safer place for them. They know I do my best, mostly by myself and most IMPORTANTLY they know they are LOVED and can come to us no matter what. They have already shown us that they truly believe in that theory.
We live in a community of blended families, BROKEN (and I don't necessarily mean single parent)homes, and long deployments. And in all that mix are children who seem to get lost in the shuffle. Some of us do our best to make sure that doesn't happen, and then there are those of us who just don't care.
My heart bleeds for them, and my home has become some what of a refuge, when it can be. Anyone that has known us for even a teeny amount of time can tell you our house is the hot spot, there are always 4-5 kids whom I did not birth hanging out, eating, playing, and talking our heads of at our house.
Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming for me. I didn't grow up like that. Despite adult feuds with my parents I had the perfect childhood. Everyone loved my Mom and Dad and always felt welcomed by them. So I guess in essence we have become them...eekkk. But the Hubs didn't have that, and he has to remind me, that at 7:30 am when the doorbell starts ringing and it's neighborhood kids coming in to eat their poptarts at my kitchen table, or coming in for me to fix their hair for pictures, or iron their collars, and needing a ride cause it's raining cats and dogs, to take a deep breath cause "they don't get that at home Resh".
I'm getting kind of emotional now...which was not the way that I wanted to start my Monday :) I know in the end the love they feel here, even while driving me crazy, is worth it.
Sometimes the Hubs surprises me too. Case in point...it's a snow day, I was looking forward to sleeping in...the door bell rang at 7:15 and again at 7:30 with the local kiddos who's parents are at home and still in the bed. But they're now on my couch, cause their mom and dad didn't even care enough to get up this morning and realize there's no school. Who does that to at 10 year old? And might I add it's not the first time. I think they think by the time the kid figures out there is no school today, it won't be their problem. I'm not bashing another parent for a mistake or mishap, or for over looking something...god knows I do that...but it's a habit, almost like clock work when it comes to their children. Something I have learned to count on, which is sad.
I was gonna go back to bed after I told them "no school" but the teddy bear stuck in a massive body that I call the husband decided if they'd rather be here they should be. I think he sees himself in them, and wishes someone would have lent a hand. Even if that someone was a computer obsessed, hanging on for dear life with their own kids housewife....like me. So it was P.B & J pancakes all around this morning.
I guess it doesn't surprise me, some Mom's are just too tired, the deployments, the training, the if the Army would have wanted you to have a family they'd have issued you one, all of it weighs on a person, but I'll be DAMNED if it's the kids it weighs on. So I'll put my groggy foot forward and fill as many up with love as I can.
And when I doubt myself I'll look back and realize that somewhere somehow I've made a place that isn't always clean, usually noisy, most the time a crazy hectic home that some call paradise and where all are welcome.
Guess I should figure out something for all of us to do today. Seeing as how their parents haven't even checked to see where their kids are, I think they'll be here awhile.