Thursday, February 19, 2009


I started this in reality as a chance, grasp, effort to find myself. To figure out all the things that at some point I knew, realized and loved about myself but in the effort of life forgot. You may ask how exactly does someone forget about herself? Simply put...become a wife and mother. Then the things that defined you and made you who you are slowly slip away. It doesn't happen over night or even intentionally, and unless you are one of the lucky ones who really knew who you were before your journey began it happens none the less.
The past few years have brought about many changes for my family, another state, another base, another move, another life. Our family stands on the brink of my husband's dream and ready for another very welcome, very deserved and possibly one of the best changes ever fathomed by our little clan. As always the lifestyle is what it is, I am excited, but also a little lost in the shuffle so to speak. Again I'm left asking what about me? And knowing that only I can answer that question. I can not hide my pride when it comes to my family and our accomplishments, I know that none of us would be where we are if it were not for the whole. But I look around and wonder if thus far I have done anything about anything that I saw for myself.
But how do you rewind time and go back 10 years to figure out where you saw yourself? When you (yourself) can't even remember your dreams? My hubby constantly encourages me to chase my dreams and I constantly remind him that you can't chase what you don't see.I live a life where I continually rely on myself and other women like myself, but at times we all seem to be stuck in the middle, at the point that we're just waiting till the next move, or deployment, or school to find ourselves. To find the woman that we knew we'd be, the one we all wanted to grow up and become. and wonder if we already are? Are we, Am I, Are you? Have I become all that I WANTED? The wonderful loving wife, the giving adoring mother, the sister and daughter with strained ties, the part-time go getter. Is this what I wanted or is there a shiny star out there waiting for me to take hold and fly with?If I am the woman I was destined to become...I want to know..... How did I miss her entrance and How can I block her exit? Because I HAVE to find HER.


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