Sunday, October 10, 2010
You know there's a lot of lessons in life. Some good, some bad, some useless, and some that enhance your life forever. I've learned a lot in my days and as a parent struggle to figure out which ones to very gently or quite animately pass on to my children. I am a believer (to an extent) that you learn your own lessons in life, love, and everything after. But without guidance those lessons can quickly snowball into mistakes. So being the nurturing being that I am I did infact pass on a little knowledge this week to the heathens and here are those lessons...with the appropriate warnings that SHOULD have been attached when I stumbled upon such wisdom.
Lesson #1...NEVER I repeat NEVER clean a bathroom with enough chemicals to run the Hindenburg without proper ventilation. Furthermore don't tell your children to stay out of the said bathroom because it's the equivalent of a methlab on the off chance that the neighbor comes by to say "hey" giving them the opportunity to offhandedly tell her "you stepped out back to get some air after being in your methlab". mmmm Thanks Ethan.
Lesson #2 When discussing OVERLY priced Christmas list in ANY conversation NEVER state "Well it's the only thing he really wants so I guess even if I have to work the corner we gotta get it" apparently this will plague your offspring to the point of nervous breakdowns. Not only does it make them skittish about the impending holidays but they might second guess everything you've ever purchased on the chance it was bought with "corner money". Parental FAIL
Lesson#3. When trying to have a great Saturday morning just you and your spawns I do not recommend starting with Krispy Kreme, Lowe's workshop, and then a fire prevention parade because it will apparently end in you teaching them how to Crip Walk....which will seem like a great idea...every parent teaches this right??? They may find themselves in a sketchy situation one day and it could save their lives right?? Well a sketchy situation does NOT include ANY activity at church, Which is where my two decided to show off their new dance moves....much to my dismay and lots of "wait a minute, I know that dance glares" and "where did on earth did they learn that stares" oiy when will I ever learn?